Sunday, September 30, 2007

Benefits of Child Abuse

As soon as I read the title “Love your kids? Prove it by beating them,” I knew I would enjoy myself on Maddox’s website. The statement is so outlandish that it can’t possibly be true, yet he writes with conviction about how “kids today need a good beating every now and then.”

Maddox obviously writes with the intention to offend. He must thrive off of confrontation, controversy, and the attention his bizarre stances give him. The fact that he posts his hate mail on his site and tears apart every aspect of the letters is evidence of that. With a step-by-step manual on how to beat children, Maddox is hardly looking to play it safe.

Most of the article is filled with “helpful hints” and “useful techniques” when dealing with – and dishing out – child abuse. The first half goes through reasons why one should support the physical abuse because of everything that is wrong with the modern generation of children. “The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter” he rants, seemingly joking, but with a tone of seriousness. That is the difficult thing to detect in Maddox’s writing; at times he is obviously joking and looking for a reaction, but at other moments the reader almost has to convince himself the articles are meant for humor.

The second half of the article details popular techniques on how to abuse children. He explains moves such as The Yard Stick and The Dragon Kick, and he describes which situations merit which methods. And while I hardly condone any type of child abuse, the article’s absurdity had me enjoying every line.

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