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Using a technique I call "Clicking wildly for one minute then stopping on the last page", I reached my ideal Myspace candidate. His name, apparently, is "will will will". Now, will will will is a fine, great name, but it is decidedly not the name his mother gave him. The picture, I'm assuming, is of him, and he is looking into the camera with a glare that conveys apathy in a way that only the most seasoned of goths (for the purpose of not enforcing stereotypes, assume I mean Visigoths) can pull of correctly. It is also startlingly blue, as if it were run through a filter made out of sad. The ability to have any name and picture that you want is a scary thing, and it's Myspace's ambiguity that allows sex crimes to occur so easily. However, it also allows you to make a profile for your cat, and I guess that totally makes up for it.

Will will will's profile background is something to behold. Brown flowers amid a field of blue and different color blue stripes adorn the page like some sort of simile. The flowers make it seem like he's bearing his soul, but it's all brown and shriveled, craving the gentle garden shears of death. Or I could be reading too much into it.

A blast of eerie electrofolk INVADES YOUR BRAIN when you first open the page. It's a song called "Bubblemen Are Coming" by, who else, "Bubblemen". Personally, it's not my bag, but it definitely says something about will will will, and the thing it says is "I'm insane."

In any case, will will will is a prime example of a person with a myspace page, and although I don't know him personally, I feel like I know him, y'know, spiritually. Or something.