Masculinity

Where I grew up, masculinity was not about the trappings that the media assumes is important. The media may have its list of what makes a man a man, but there's a slightly different standard where I came from.

My brothers and I couldn't be more different. They love the outdoors, while the last time I voluntarily went outside without there being no other recourse was around 1999. They collect guns, bows, and knives; I spend my money on books. They wear camouflage and cowboy hats, and I wear corduroy pants and t-shirts. They go hunting, fishing, and hiking; I read. They play baseball and soccer, I - well - read. They can't wait to drive, and race gokarts and tractors; I had to be forced into the car every single time it was my turn to drive (Control a several ton hunk of rolling metal, amid other such hunks driven by potentially drunk or merely incompetent operators, with the penalty for any mistake by them or me being potential death or dismemberment? No thank you...). They watch NASCAR and football, I - you guessed it - read.

So, did those qualities make me less manly than my brothers, in the eyes of the surrounding populace? Not at all. The defining quality of masculinity, at least where I grew up, was competence. That's not to say that femininity is associated with the opposite - as a matter of fact, the assumption that masculinity and femininity are always opposites irks me - rather that that is what makes a man a man there. You would have a far easier time convincing men to wear a dress and run down Main Street than admit that their was something that they could not do. Asking for help is conducted with far more delicacy than any diplomatic negotiation.

It changes from place to place, though. For instance, I am home-schooled, and definitions of masculinity can vary greatly just between two schooling systems. In home-schooled circles, courtesy and chivalry are considered manly. Again, not to say that chivalry isn't valued by public-schoolers, but it's not considered a sign of masculinity.

What makes a man varies from culture to culture. Some cultures require a test of manhood, or rite of passage. The Amish have to leave their home and culture and move to the city. Mormons must travel on a missionary trip. Some Indian tribes required children to survive in the wilderness before they were considered men. There is no one set system to define what masculinity is, anywhere, and never will be. Perhaps that's for the best.