Non-Doping Cyclists Finish Tour de France

For many years, the Tour de France has been plagued with accusations that its riders use illegal, performance enhancing drugs such as human growth hormone, erythropoietin, and blood doping. This article in The Onion satirizes that belief to the extreme. Obviously, this article is humorous in nature. That slant should be expected from any article done by The Onion. However, while The Onion probably doesn't believe that most Tour de France riders use illegal drugs, it at least acknowledges that some of the Tour de France riders are cheating. The Onion illustrates this belief through the use of great exaggeration. The article states that the first non-doping rider, Finland's Piet Kvistik, finished 142nd overall and 480 hours behind first place rider Alberto Contador. Additionally, it stated that Piet Kvistik now weighs 115 pounds and has lost 45% of his body mass, in order to suggest that for this atrophying effect to not happen to a rider, they must be on performance enhancing drugs. These claims are obviously ridiculous; there were only 141 riders in the race, the last rider was only off first place by 4 hours, and losing 45% of your body mass would kill you. However, these outrageous claims are only funny to a reader who is informed and already has some prior knowledge of the Tour de France. Somebody who was informed would know that there were riders who did get kicked out of the competition for blood doping and ultra high levels of testosterone in their blood. This article's primary purpose is to entertain the reader and make them laugh. By making use of extreme exaggeration and ridiculous claims, this article in The Onion entertains the reader and makes them think more carefully about what is actually going on in the world of cycling.